Tom Borg Consulting

When a conflict in the workplace occurs, many people believe they can’t say or do anything to fix it. Whatever happens is always someone else’s problem (or fault), and if they just lay low they can escape any repercussions.
In reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
Everyone in the organization can and should take ownership of situations – not just the managers or leaders. Turning a blind eye to things or hoping for situations to resolve on their own will only lead to frustration. Here’s how to handle both internal and        external negative situations and turn them around to reduce conflict in the workplace.

Internal Situation
An internal situation could be a co-worker who is continually negative and always dragging the team down. Or it could be someone who is lazy and not pulling his or her weight with the team. Unfortunately, most people think dealing with such internal situations is the manager’s job only. But in fact, anyone can take steps to address such issues.
Simply saying something like, “I know things are tight here right now. That’s why we all have to pull together and stay focused,” can help diffuse someone’s negativity. Granted, you can’t expect to step in and be the super-hero who saves the company from negative people, but you can have courage to step up and state the facts in a Direct with Respect® way.
Some people are so used to negative people or a destructive culture that they don’t want to risk turning negativity around. But it’s a risk you have to take. If you don’t – if you chicken out – you’ll pay the price later.

External Situations
The customer receives the wrong product…the client’s project is behind schedule and over budget…the local newspaper has printed some less-than-flattering information about your company. These are all examples of negative external situation.
During such times, it’s easy for people to play the “blame game.” They waste so much time finger-pointing and trying to discover the cause of the problem that they forget the real task at hand – to turn things around.
Whatever happened has happened. You can’t go back in time and change things. So stop focusing on the past. Now is when you – even if you’re not the leader – need to step up, take ownership, and decide to fix the situation – or at least get the company headed in the right direction. So what if it’s not your job. You’re a part of the team, which means you have a stake in the outcome. Therefore, do something now.

Small Steps Yield Big Results
In the end, whether the situation taking place is internal or external, you must have the courage to take action. You can’t wait for someone else to always take the lead. So commit to a decision and an action plan. Stay accountable for delivering against or acting upon that plan. And then focus on doing what’s best for the team – that’s the only way you’ll achieve the results you want.

© Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC

Joyce Weiss is an accountability coach and conflict resolution consultant.  She helps her clients improve their working condition by resolving conflict and interpersonal issues.  She is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life!, Communicate with Impact, and Full Speed Ahead.

Check out the FREE Video Series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace” and The BOLD Solutions Newsletter at http://www.JoyceWeiss.com.

Discover how you can save hours in your day by taking control of tough communication after taking Joyce’s new on demand- “Communicate with Impact” E-Course at http://bit.ly/MNpR4f

By Joyce Weiss

Even though people in the various generations often don’t agree, there is one thing they all agree on: Respect for each other in the workplace simply doesn’t exist. Those in the older generations (the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers) think the younger workers of today are lazy and disrespectful. On the other hand, the younger generations (Generation X and the Millennials) think the older workers are stuck in their ways and too closed-minded.

Despite these differences, people from the varying generations must work together productively for the company to succeed. If they let their generational outlooks get in the way, conflict will result. 

Use the following suggestions to overcome generational differences so everyone can get along.

• Know each other’s preferences.

In a nutshell, the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers prefer face-to-face communication. They like consensus, and they expect everyone to respect authority. They don’t like conflict and will avoid it at all costs.

Generation X and the Millennials love online meetings. They twitter each other and use e-mail the majority of the time. They’re not afraid to confront others; they want their voices heard. They dislike being on teams and prefer to work alone.

While we can’t automatically assume every single person in a particular generation behaves and thinks a certain way, knowing the generalities is a great first step. Therefore, take the initiative to learn about the other generations you work with. The more you understand their point of view and what events shaped their lives, the more you’ll be able to work with them without conflict.

• Spend time with each other.

Simply knowing each other’s preferences is one thing; it’s another to actually spend time learning from the person. Remember that learning and mentoring is a two-way street. Just as younger people can learn things from older people, the older generation can definitely learn from the “kids.”

As you do this, realize that you’ll likely have to make compromises. For example, a younger person can teach an older person about some new computer communication tool. The younger person will need to employ patience during the training, and the older person will need to keep an open mind to the new technology. You’ll also have to confront your own personal biases and work through them. Only then can you truly benefit from the interaction.

• Be open to talking things out.

The older people don’t understand what all the pierced noses and tattoos are about, while the younger people can’t comprehend how someone can be so loyal to a company. Instead of just wondering in silence, it’s time to talk it out – with the very people you don’t understand. As long as the conversation stays respectful and does not turn into an accusatory yelling match, it will be a healthy way to gain broader understanding of each other. The sooner you start the conversation, the quicker you’ll resolve differences.

Bridge the Gap

Generational differences can be tough. However, when you are open and honest and take the time to really listen to each other, you can overcome any perceived differences – real or otherwise. A little generational understanding can go a long way to boosting the company’s bottom line.

© Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC

Joyce Weiss is an accountability coach and conflict resolution consultant.  She helps her clients improve their working condition by resolving conflict and interpersonal issues.  She is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life!, Communicate with Impact, and Full Speed Ahead. 

Check out the FREE Video Series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace” and The BOLD Solutions Newsletter at http://www.JoyceWeiss.com.

Discover how you can save hours in your day by taking control of tough communication after taking Joyce’s new on demand- “Communicate with Impact” E-Course at

http://bit.ly/MNpR4f

Part 5, listen in as Small Business Association of MI radio host, Michael Rogers interviews Tom Borg on how to help your employees deliver excellent service.

http://bit.ly/16PXChC

Listen in to Part 4 of the radio interview with host Michael Rogers of the Small Business Association of MI as Tom Borg shares some ideas on how to build customer loyalty.

http://bit.ly/12N6Gp6

By Joyce Weiss

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others.  Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas.  Clients lash out at people to get what they want.
Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired. 

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner.  Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!
Verbal Aikido Basics
The cardinal rule of verbal aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE
If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”
Your verbal aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE
Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1.    Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2.    No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3.    You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4.    When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation. You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5.    When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at verbal aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

© Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC

Joyce Weiss is an accountability coach and conflict resolution consultant.  She helps her clients improve their working condition by resolving conflict and interpersonal issues.  She is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life!, Communicate with Impact, and Full Speed Ahead.

Check out the FREE Video Series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace” and The BOLD Solutions Newsletter at http://www.JoyceWeiss.com.

Discover how you can save hours in your day by taking control of tough communication after taking Joyce’s new on demand- “Communicate with Impact” E-Course at
http://bit.ly/MNpR4f

Listen into radio show host Michael Rogers’ 5 minute interview of Tom Borg on how to keep the customer first in your small business.

http://bit.ly/YObRBS

By Joyce Weiss
Despite the gloom and doom economic picture presented in the media, now is when we must be most positive in order to persevere.
With this attitude, what results can you expect?

Benefit 1: You’ll Discover Opportunities for Growth
When a challenge comes, people naturally want to focus on the negative event. This is precisely when you must refocus your thinking so you can get back on track.

Are you afraid to spend money? Did you lose a loved one? Is your job in jeopardy?
Now, look at those scenarios from a different perspective. What if you talked with your boss about moving to a new department? What if you rearranged your schedule to spend more time with your family?

The more you attempt to see the challenges in a new light, the more you’ll uncover opportunities for growth.
Benefit 2: Worries About the Future Will Disappear
Rather than let worrying cripple your sense of well-being, take the time to see the good that’s going on around you.

The first step is to take some time for yourself.  While making a living is indeed a vital part of life, enjoying that life and living a fulfilled life are equally important.
Momentarily slow down, see the trees, smell the flowers, and hear the birds. Talk with others and simply enjoy their company. When you take the time to enjoy what’s in front of you now, you release the worry and frustration.

Benefit 3: You’ll Open the Path to New Goals
The most effective way to take action during any challenge is to make changes.  During a time of crisis, change is the last thing you want to experience … but change forces you to grow.

- Take some time to sit down and re-evaluate your personal goals.

- Talk with your family and ask what new goals or dreams they have. Agree as a group on your objectives.

- Outline what you will need to do to make those goals a reality, and then take action.

When you focus on your revised grand plan, you’ll regain your enthusiasm for living and experience a new zest for life.

© Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC
Joyce Weiss is an accountability coach and conflict resolution consultant.  She helps her clients improve their working condition by resolving conflict and interpersonal issues.  She is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life!, Communicate with Impact, and Full Speed Ahead.

Check out the FREE Video Series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace” and The BOLD Solutions Newsletter at http://www.JoyceWeiss.com.

Discover how you can save hours in your day by taking control of tough communication after taking Joyce’s new on demand- “Communicate with Impact” E-Course at

http://bit.ly/MNpR4f

Listen in as Small Business Association Radio host, Michael Rogers interviews Tom Borg on how to get your employees to to value and support the training they receive.

http://www.michiganbusinessnetwork.com/radio/2013/02/25/Business_Next_S2_Tom_Borg

Listen in to this 5 minute interview as radio host Michael Rogers interview Tom Borg on how to let employees go with dignity. 

http://michiganbusinessnetwork.com/radio/2013/01/09/Business_Next_S5_Tom_Borg

Listen in to this 5 minute radio interview as host Michael Rogers interviews Tom Borg on how to keep your employees positive and productive.

http://michiganbusinessnetwork.com/radio/2013/01/09/Business_Next_S4_Tom_Borg